Do you ever wrestle with decision making?
I definitely do! I think I become even more indecisive the older I get. I think it's because so many of my decisions (and ours as a family) affect so many more people than just myself anymore.
One BIG decision we face every year is the whole school decision. I have never struggled with it like I have before this year though.
Basically, I am wrestling with the idea of homeschooling Samuel for many different reasons...attitude issues, behavior issues, attention issues, & homework issues being the main ones. It's been something on my mind for awhile now and I feel like maybe I am supposed to do it (either now and probably at some point in the future), however it just hasn't been clear. Sometimes, I just really wish God would write out his will for me (and my children) on a billboard so it would be easy! But since that is not the case (as of yet:)), Jeff and I are truly praying and discussing a lot what we should do about school for Samuel next year.
I have this IDEA in my head that looks really good and perfect (which is unrealistic of course) in my mind of just keeping all 3 kids at home with me and homeschooling Samuel and even working with the girls some. Part of me really wants to do that and thinks it would be great for all of us. The other part of me says, "who are you kidding?!?!" I'm not sure I am made out to be a homeschooling mom. And doesn't my make-up and giftings and well being matter in the decision? I'm not sure about that. I have realized I am not as organized as I thought and I'm also not very intentional in planning and thinking ahead (so lesson planning overwhelms me) and well to be honest...I changed my major in college from elementary education for a reason! Ha! Then there is the idea, that I could send the girls to preschool and just keep Samuel home with me to do 2nd grade. But that sort of makes me sad because then I feel like I would be missing so much of the girls and their time before they go to kindergarten.
Jeff thinks he should go to 2nd grade so we can see how he does academically (as well as behaviorally) and if he falls behind, we might finally be able to get some testing and services done for him. I just don't know what the best thing is.
I struggle with guilt all the time in regards to Samuel. I want to do what's best for him so thankfully I know that the Lord is in control and His will for Samuel's life will ultimately reign no matter what decision is made.
Thoughts? Advice? Encouragement? Prayers? I'll take any of it!!!
Thanks for reading and listening to my ramblings:).
13 comments:
You don't know me, but I've followed your blog for awhile. I don't have any kids of my own, so I don't know what it's like to make these kinds of decisions. However, from what you have said in your blog this year, it sounds like Samuel's teacher has really helped him improve this past year. I am a teacher in Texas, and if you decide to keep him in school for 2nd grade, this is what i would do.. I would talk to his current teacher and have her recommend a second grade teacher that would be a good match for Samuel. Or, you could ask the principal the same thing. Then the teacher knows ahead of time what Samuel needs and where he is academically and behaviorally. It's just an idea! Just because he is going to second grade doesn't mean he has to go "blindly"-- be involved by talking to his current teacher/principal about next year. And at the beginning of next year, you could even ask for a parent/teacher conference at the very beginning so that you get things going for Samuel right away. I'm not saying to keep him in school because that is your decision, but if you do decide to keep him in there, be his biggest advocate!!! And always be upfront with his teachers about where is academically so that it doesnt take a few weeks for the teacher to figure it our herself!! Sorry if this doesn't make sense, but I wrote it kind of fast!!
I totaalu understand where you are coming from with the struggling....we are blessed to be in a community that has great pulic schools, private schools, and homeschool co-ops.
I have very limited experience with homeschooling- when my twins were 4 we pulles them out of their preschool because it just didn;t seem like a good match for them and I homeschooled them for the rest of the year. I say homeschooled loosely b/c they were 4 and technically didn't even have to be in school. Anyway, we used Sonlight kindergarten cirriculum and we loved it! The lesson plans are all laid out for you and the material is just amazing....we all learned SO much. Most importantly, it gave me an opportunity to see HOW my children learn best..which is helpful to a parent that doesn't have a teaching background.
Even though our children now attend a private school, I feel so much better equipped in helping them with home work and discussing their learning styles with their teachers.
I know that you are dealing with a higher grade level and that brings different considerations, so just know that I'll be praying for y'all!
Excuse the typos...feeding a baby while typing!!
I wrestled with the schooling issue as well. I never had any intention of homeschooling. I thought that I wasn't cut out to be homeschooler and to be honest I thought homeschoolers were a little weird. Two years ago, I had my oldest enrolled in preschool and in the middle of the night two weeks before school started, I woke up with homeschool on my mind. For those two weeks I couldn't get rid of it. I was completely confused and I remember specifically praying that if God wanted me to homeschool, that He would make it so plain. The first day of preschool rolled around and despite a lack of peace and my husband telling me to keep her home, I sent Libby to school because I wasn't ready to start homeschooling yet. And within a month, God made it SO plain that school was not the place for her. So I pulled her out. Most days I feel completely overwhelmed and underqualified to be a homeschooling mom. But God has been so faithful in this area and provided me with such a strong support system. One of my favorite verses these days is Isaiah 40:11 which says "He tends his flock like a shepherd. He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." Since I spend all day, every day with three young ones, I find the last phrase of that verse particularly comforting! If you are feeling God's call in this area, let me just encourage you to put all your doubts and fears before Christ and he will gently lead you!
And for some practical info, check out www.classicalconversations.com. (We are involved in this program and I can't say enough good things about it!) Also, www.mfwbooks.com offers some great curriculum. We will be using My Father's World Kindergarten and First Grade next year. I haven't really loved the phonics program we used for Libby this year and My Father's World seems like a good fit for her, so we will be making the switch. I also like their curriculum for 2nd-8th grade as well. There are tons and tons of options out there!
Some good, encouraging homeschool blogs are www.confessionsofahomeschooler.blogspot.com (I use her Letter curriculum with my middle child) and www.1plus1plus1equals1.blogspot.com.
I am sorry for the overwhelming amount of information I just threw at you! :) I will be praying for you!
Rachel,
I know this is a tough decision but having many friends who homeschool I have two large concerns. One concern is your relationship with Samuel. I have 2 friends who decided to homeschool their children with behavioral issues and attention issues. It ended up making the mother very stressed out and majorly strained their relationship.
The 2nd issue is the socialization issue. I know that homeschooling moms try to get their kids involved in as much as possible but my friends' kids who are homeschooled are noticeably different and less mature socially. I feel that because of Samuel's adoption, history and health issues, he would feel even more different if he were homeschooled. You have to make this decision based on what God leads you to do. These are just my thoughts based on my own experiences. Praying for you!
i feel weird writing this on your blog instead of in person, but i'm sure if i don't while i'm reading it, i'll forget later. just thougth i'd mention that if you ever want to talk to my mom about it, i know she would be happy to. i feel like she went through the exact same desion-making/thought process before deciding to homeschool us and just really had a hard time deciding and not knowing which direction God was leading her. she talks about how she felt totally unprepared, not equipped, not qualified, etc... and i think samuel reminds me soo much of how matt was back in the day. mom has all kinds of stories about him and his distractions and lack of focus when it comes to school, but some kids are just that way regardless of where they are. there's distraction at home, but there are distractions at school too. anyways...mom just went back and forth and could not decide and it was when she talked to one of her friends who did it that made her decide to try it that first year. then, you know the rest from there, but we all went back to school at different years just according to each of our separate situations and we obviously did great and adjusted really easily, socially and academically. anyways, just thought she might be a good one to talk to about the details of it. it was around the same time of life too that she went through that decision-making process...i was going into 3rd and matt was going into 1st. and if you do try it and it doesn't work out, he can always just go right back to school?
I just wrote this long comment and got some error message. I'm mad.
Basically, I'm praying for you. This isn't a lifelong decision.
You definitely need to consider your giftings/sanity and your relationship with Samuel as well as your girls and Jeff.
The Lord will go before you. What's the verse? Whether you turn to the left or the right, your ears will hear a voice saying, this is the way, walk in it?
Rachel,
I totally relate to what you are going through. We have been praying about homeschooling, and I often feel like you- not equipped enough or ready enough, wondering how I could take that on with two other little ones (although we're looking at homeschooling for kindergarten, and so I know that's a little different than thinking about 2nd grade). Anyway, I was encouraged recently because I prayed and asked God to make it really clear if we were supposed to homeschool. He has made it clear through a number of things- circumstances, wise counsel, resources provided, etc. I will be praying that for you- that God will make it very clear. One other note- one thing that we are planning on doing is hiring a "mother's helper" (a college girl) for a few hours two or three days a week, so that I can still have the other two at home (not have to send them to preschool), but can get one-on-one time with our 5 year old. Like I said, I'm praying- especially since I know what it's like to struggle through this decision.
Rachel,
I have a good friend who homeschools her son and he is in second grade right now. She also has two younger girls who are in kindergarten and a three year old. She is a photographer and a free spirit. I would be happy to put you in touch with her if you would like. She would probably help you with your decision as she struggled with Brayden's schooling whether it be switching schools and homeschooling. Let me know.
Hi, i am a also a faithblogger and just found your blog. I have had all of the same thoughts you are having. We have decided not to homeschool for now but haven't ruled it out for the future. The important thing is that you and your husband are being prayerful about how to best love and serve you son. A friend made it so much easier for me when she reminded me that no decision is permanent and we can always re-evaluate and make changes. That took so much of the pressure off.
PS, when you find that billboard with God's will on it let me know ;)
I follow your blog through my daughter's (she and her husband were on staff at your church in Tuscaloosa) ~ I also prayed for you guys and followed your adoption (our youth minister and wife were there, adopting, at the same time). Anyway, I have felt led to send you a message many times over this school issue. I promised if you ever brought it back up that I would throw in my two cents worth! I have 4 children and I have one that really struggles with a learning disability! EVERY year I struggled with whether I should home school her or not ~ she BEGGED me to, many times through tears! I felt so much like you ~ unprepared, unable, I had also realized I was not as organized as I had thought (really I realized I was a perfectionist, so if I can't do it right I'd rather not do it at all), confused ~ I wanted to know the end result, and finally I am NOT a teacher! What happened? ~ I never home schooled her ~ I left her in private and public school, and to this day I REGRET that decision (as does she)!!! I wish I would have trusted that God was leading me and that He certainly would have equipped me ~ but each year I put it off (thinking leaving her in school was not a permanent decision)! She even attended a Christian school from 3rd grade through 6th grade, returning to public in 7th grade so that we could have her tested and get "help" lined up for high school. They wouldn't test her in public until finally in 10th grade, so my perfect plan didn't really work out! She is in college now ~ in Nashville at an art school for fashion design, and she LOVES it, and EXCELS!!!! However, if you asked her today, looking back what her preference would be ~ she would tell you that she still wishes I had home schooled her! Even logically it did not make sense not to home school her ~she spent all day at school, then came home and spent so many hours on homework ~ it would have saved so much time to have home schooled her ~ instead of spending all that time on homework (reteaching what she had learned that day), that would have been teaching time! I would have been able to tailor teaching her one on one (even the best teachers could not teach her one on one) with her learning style! And let's face it ~ there are some wonderful teachers out there, but there are also some who do not have the gift of teaching ~ and I was not guaranteed a good one! And even the best teachers did not desire for my child to succeed as much as I did! I cannot tell you what is right for you, but I can tell you that I felt so similar ~ did not follow God's leading, and I regret it so much!!!
Would it have caused stress in our relationship to have been her teacher? Without a doubt ~ but I feel sure it would not have caused any more stress than we lived with EVERY single day, with grades and homework, etc. Just had to tell you that every time I think about it, I wish I could do it over! Looking back I kind of wish I had home schooled them all, but without a doubt I should have definitely home schooled her! I will be praying for you as you try to figure out what is best for your family!
I am in the same boat.
However, my oldest will be starting kindergarten and I am really wanting to put her in a private Christian school.
Since that might be out of our budget, home schooling is becoming a stronger possibility and that is freaking me out.
I am doubting myself. I don't think I can do it. And I am bombarded with all sorts of concerns and questions and fears.
So just like you, we are praying for provision.
Rachel,
I always love following your blog. My heart & prayers are going out to you in your decision about Samuel because we dealt with the same thing with Matt. I love your heart of trust that God will lead you because He will. There's no one who knows your child like you do. Having done public, private, homeschool and 2 years 1/2 private, 1/2 homeschool(!) I can tell you that its a child by child and year by year call. Like another blogger said, its not permanent, you can always make those mid-course changes. Our son simply needed more TIME to get everything...the school train was too fast for him. Who says they have to do so & so by a certain age anyway? He graduated high school, studied landscaping at a technical college and is in his 4th year of owning his own business and loves it! We are so proud of him. I'll go into more detail later, but let me share Galations 6:9 "Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we shall reap if we do not grow weary"
Many days we feel weary, but by God's grace we mother by faith. You're a great mother! Talk to you soon. Carolyn Nelson, Cumming
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