Mama

It was a concrete cold and sterile hallway.  Here was when my eyes first saw the 3 year old son who we chose after years of longing.  I didn't become a mother the conventional way.  It didn't matter.  He was mine.  And I was his and he called me mama.

Fourteen months later a wrinkled 7 pound 7 ounce baby girl was laid on my chest as tears streamed hot down my swollen cheeks.  She opened her eyes and knew me as mama.

Seven months afterwards I said goodbye with my heart breaking to the one who only lived in my womb 10 weeks. 

A mere thirteen months after that, another wrinkled baby girl was laid on my chest and her eyes looked into mine knowing exactly who I was...mama. 

They are miracles.  All of them bringing beauty from ashes in my life.  Bringing me amazing love and fulfilling so many dreams.  They also have brought lots of frustration, anger, tears, exhaustion, and messes.  Being mama is hard but I am learning to fight for joy and slow down...enjoying these miracles and all that comes along with them.  I know it's a vapor and I can't even think about the day they will be gone from this house.  I am so so so thankful for my babies and for the privilege it is to be called mama. 

One of my favorite verses for a long time (even before kids) has been Isaiah 40:11...

He tends his flock like a shepherd: 

He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart;

he gently leads those that have young.

I love that Jesus tends us like a shepherd and carries us close to His heart...and I love even more now that he gently leads those that have young.  I need his gentle leading since most days I feel wildly inadequate in this calling of motherhood.  I'm so thankful for my Savior...that I don't walk this road alone!  

I wouldn't be here today and who I am today without my own mother.  She's a special woman!  I will forever be grateful for the Godly example she set for me as she raised my brother and I.  I am so thankful for the relationship we have today and can't imagine my life without her!!! 

Also know that my heart always aches a bit today especially for those waiting on their own miracles.  Know that you are not forgotten and that prayers are being lifted for you as you wait.  

Happy Mother's Day! 

Some Updates

TORNADO...

I continue to stand amazed at our community and our state.  I have never been more proud to call Tuscaloosa and Alabama home...and that's saying a lot for this Georgia born girl!  God is truly bringing beauty from the ashes.  We have kept busy with relief efforts this week.  Our church's preschool program decided to open it's doors to some of the tornado victims children from 8am - 4pm.  Some days, we had as many as 30 kids take advantage of it!  We had volunteers bring snacks, diapers, lunches, drinks, clothes, toys, nap mats, and more.  We also had volunteers each day picking up and returning kids to shelters or devastated areas as well as just staying to help watch kids during the day at the church.  I wasn't up there all day every day, but I have been up there a lot and it has been so fun to love on these kids.  Thursday, I was overcome with emotion as I was returning 4 kids (5 and under) to the shelter where they were staying with their single mom.  The oldest 3 were crying because they didn't want to go back and I started crying because I just can't imagine the stress that they and their momma have been through.  I just was reminded anew...what do I seriously have to complain about?  I prayed through my tears and just gave those kids and their mom a big hug as I dropped them off.  By the end of the week, I was thoroughly emotionally worn out...and at the same time just so grateful for God continuing to use us and work miracles again and again in this disaster ravaged town. 

POTTY TRAINING...

Abigail had a rough 3-4 days of potty training when we first started.  I almost gave up...but thankfully I stuck with it and the day of the tornado it just sort of finally stuck.  Thank goodness...because the days since then have been so stressful and I am glad I didn't have to worry about her having accidents all the time. She has done great and is even mostly potty trained at night.  I still put her in a pull up but am thinking I won't have to for much longer.  She has been dry most every morning since we started this.  WOOHOO!  I guess this means I am officially out of the baby stage of parenting. 

SCHOOL...

I think we have finally decided to send Samuel to 2nd grade at his current school.  We feel like, at this point, that is the wisest decision so that we can truly get a feel for where he is academically, socially, emotionally, etc since this year was a year of retention.  I am fairly confident that after next year, I will homeschool him and I will use a lot of next year to look into curriculum's and also decide if I will homeschool the girls at the same time.

TODAY...

has been a nice quiet normal day and I almost feel guilty for it...but it was much needed.  We cleaned house (desperately needed it after over a week of neglect), played outside, and just enjoyed a relaxing beautiful day that the Lord gave us!

Perspective and Hope

Beauty.  Hope.  Courage.  Inspiration.  Grace.  Thanks. 

All of this I have already seen springing forth from the ashes of the Tuscaloosa Tornado.  The devastation remains.  The ruins are just as real today as they were 4 days ago.  Yet, here I am again seeing that sometimes, as hard as it is to understand, God can do some of His best work in the darkness.  The dark gives way to miracles.  We see this in the Cross.  Ann Voskamp says "The fullest life itself dawns from nothing but Calvary darkness and tomb-cave black into the radiance of Easter morning.  Out of the darkness of the cross, the world transfigures into new life."  And so, just as Jesus gave thanks and broke the bread before he went into the ultimate darkness for us, we give thanks here and now.   I see it from the rubble of the now decimated housing projects of Rosedale Courts to the streets of middle class Glendale Gardens and Forest Lake all the way across the railroad tracks into Alberta City.  People giving thanks.  Amidst the breathtaking horror, beauty is rising and miracles are happening right here.  We've seen the likes of President Obama, Charlie Sheen, Franklin Graham,  & Michael W. Smith all here in my city just within the first few days of aftermath.  Our Mayor quoting scripture on national television and leading us well.  Churches rallying.  University of Alabmaa students staying in town even though they are free to go home just so they can help and provide relief to those suffering. 

And I have my very own little miracles right here.  As I swing in my backyard in the early evening hours tonight, I am overwhelmed as I look at my home perfectly intact.  Flowers blooming.  Children playing.  The magnitude of what I have is overwhelming at a time like this.  Every day is grace overflowing.  Why do I get to walk away from the horror instead of living it?  I grab my camera and begin snapping.  I need to see beauty.  I need to create beauty.  I need to remember beauty even in the pain. 

My perspective has changed.  Suddenly, those white jeans I had been wanting don't seem so important.  I only hope it's permanent...but I know all too well how easily I will be moved to forget.   Ann Voskamp asks in her book 1000 Gifts, "Can it be, that which seems to oppose the will of God actually is used of Him to accomplish the will of God?  That which seems evil only seems so because of perspective, the way the eyes see the shadows."

Does disaster come to a city unless the Lord has planned it?  

Amos 3:6  

Surely, just as I have intended so it has happened, and just as I have planned so it will stand. 

Isaiah 14:24

In my finite mind, a tornado ripping apart my city would not be good.  And yet, here I stand...watching good.  Watching God bring redemption.  A city coming together.  I can only pray and hope it continues as the road we have to travel is long and hard. 

All I want to do is offer thanks and fall on my knees in worship as I watch my God at work in the city I love and call home...

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
   How unsearchable his judgments,
   and his paths beyond tracing out!
 “Who has known the mind of the Lord?
   Or who has been his counselor?”
 “Who has ever given to God,
   that God should repay them?”
 For from him and through him and for him are all things.
   To him be the glory forever! 

Romans 11:33-36

Picking Up the Pieces

Picking up the pieces of our town is going to take a LONG time.  The devastation is unbelievable and like nothing I have ever seen or been a part of.  I really can't comprehend how we can recover and rebuild.  This tornado wiped out some of our busiest areas of town and some of our most charming historic neighborhoods.  It wiped out areas where college students live, and lots of places we shop and eat.  Two elementary schools were completely destroyed and one part of town, Alberta City, is quite literally wiped off the map.  It's a poor area of town and the stories coming out of there are incomprehensible.  University of Alabama canceled finals and postponed graduation.  It's a sad way for the seniors to end their time here at the Capstone. 

President Obama toured the devastation today in Tuscaloosa.  He said "This is something I don't think anyone has seen before."   Over 40 deaths in our town alone and something around 200 throughout the state.  As I watch videos, scroll through pictures, and even as I got to go out into the mess today, I have been moved to tears.  I feel so helpless and even questioning, why this part of town and not mine?  I am thankful and feel more than blessed that our house and neighborhood and area of town just a few miles from the ruins are perfectly fine.  I am proud of our mayor (and across the street neighbor) and his leadership.  He is trusting the Lord as he gives direction and hope to our city.

Seeing the destruction and watching the tornado live on the internet as we sat huddled in our closet not knowing where it would hit was sobering.  It has reminded me of the almighty and powerful God who commands the wind and the rain.  It reminds me that life is but a vapor and our things can be turned to rubble in an instant.  So why do we put so much hope in those things?

Our prayer is that this tragedy and this storm would point us to the ultimate hope we have in Christ.  Please continue pray for us as we figure out how to provide and organize relief for those who need it and as we seek to build our city back.  It's going to be a long long journey.

I keep thinking of the Chris Tomlin song "God of This City"....

You’re the Light in this darkness
You’re the Hope to the hopeless
You’re the Peace to the restless

There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God

For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City
Greater thing have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City

As you know, we are not the only part of our state that has been hit.   Many many many other towns were hit with tornadoes.  In fact, Jennifer (Jeff's sister) and Buddy and sweet baby Davis had some damage done to their house Wednesday morning before the big storms came through.  A tornado came right by their house and made most of the trees around them fall down.  One fell into their house and caused quite a bit of damage.  They are totally fine, but will have quite a bit of clean up themselves to do.


Here are the pictures from our time out and about today.  Jeff spent all of yesterday helping our friends Justin and Alana salvage what they could from their town home, and I was anxious to get out today. We helped a family from our church whose home was destroyed and just walked around taking it all in. 

We also had Obama's caravan ride right past us as they drove down to Alberta City to see the destruction there...

This used to be Big Lots...

 

Our friends and co-workers, Justin and Alana Karl were interviewed on Fox News.  They lost most of their possessions, cars, and the town home they were renting so they are staying with us now.  

This was a popular hamburger joint (with very popular sweet tea I might add) called Milos...

Churches and people coming together to provide relief are amazing.  This church just brought all kinds of grills and food out to the middle of all the devastation and began cooking for victims and relief workers.  Restaurants that weren't totally destroyed brought all the food they had left but couldn't use.
Pretty sweet!

A beautiful neighborhood, Forest Lake, was completely destroyed. This is where our friends from church lived and who we helped today.

The Cedar Crest area off of 15th Street was just decimated.  This is where our friends Justin and Alana lived and some students we know.

An unbelievable view of the main drag through Tuscaloosa, McFarland Blvd.  Just surreal to see the ruins.

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.  Psalm 46:1

Mass Destruction

If you watch the news, then you may have heard we had a major storm (f4 or f5 tornado) come through Tuscaloosa today.  It was scary and the devestation is unbelievable.  I was moved to tears when the first pictures started popping up on facebook.  Thankfully, our house and area of town are perfectly fine...but less than 2 miles down the street it's literally like a bomb was dropped.  It's an area of town I frequent almost daily.  The CVS, Krispy Kreme, Big Lots, Milos, Hobby Lobby, Taco Casa, gas stations, and more are rubble.  Homes are destroyed and lives have been lost.  Cell service is really bad right now, but I wanted to let everyone know who checks in here that we are okay.  Many of our friends, however, are not.  They have lost homes and cars. Our friends and co-workers have lost nearly everything and will be staying with us tonight (and for however long they need to). 

Please pray for our city.  Tuscaloosa will not be the same for a long time.  Thankfully,  we take comfort that God is still on His throne and He is Sovereign. 

Here is a video of where 15th Street meets McFarland...the heart of Tuscaloosa really.

The Girls Room

Ellie Kate and Abigail's room is a work in progress.  It will work for now and I'm happy that they are doing so well with sharing.  It's so sweet to hear them talk at night and it's so much easier now that they are together! 

I envision this room to evolve a bit as I save some money and buy them new beds and hopefully paint the dreadful walls (color is bad and there are lots of holes).  I really want white iron beds or my sweet aunt has offered to let me borrow some cute little platform type beds that she is not using (we just have to figure out a way to get them here cheaply).  Anyway, for now it's fine and the girls love it which is all that really matters.   That said, I HATE BUNK BEDS but we are just working with what we had already.  They are a big pain to change the sheets when needed (which is sometimes several nights in a row if one of the girls has an accident) and the color is not what I would choose for a girls room.   Their bedding is so cute (it's Pottery Barn stuff that I bought on sale and used some of their Christmas money for) and you just can't see it real well in this current set up.  However, the bunk beds are fun for them now and it enables them to go to sleep easier at night since they can't see each other.

Easter Weekend!

Last Easter was not good (you can read about it HERE), but it taught me a lot about expectations and wrongly placed hope. This year, I am so thankful that we got to celebrate this holy weekend without a hitch! Well, besides the fact that Abigail's potty training has gone south and I haven't had the best attitude about it. Thankfully, it has led me to One I desperately need each and every day for hope, forgiveness, right perspective, etc.

We enjoyed a full weekend of activities.  I had a last minute little easter party on Friday at my house for some friends and their kids.  It went pretty well considering there were 5 boys and 4 girls running around INSIDE (it was still too wet and muddy) our house. 

Saturday, we got to work in our backyard.  Our yard is pretty pitiful because we have an insane amount of pine trees (probably more than 30) which leads to lots of nice shade...but tons of roots and dead spots where grass won't grow.  We are slowly going to cut down some trees and try to get it looking a bit better.  The first step was to fill in an area in the backyard that was all dirt and roots.  It looks amazing and we are proud of our hard work!  This is a phone pic, but you can sort of get the idea:).

Sunday, we worshiped at church and had some friends over for Easter lunch.  I just did easy stuff...chicken salad, fruit salad, chips, and drinks.  My friend Alana brought a yummy dessert! Also, my parents came for an impromptu visit which was really nice.  We hadn't planned on them coming, but were so glad they did!  One of the hardest things about moving to Alabama has been that we are further away from them.  Anyhow...it was a full weekend and I am just overflowing with gratitude for my Savior. 

Easter is one of my favorite holidays because we do just focus on the good news of the Gospel...it's something I try to focus on all the time, but there is something about Easter that just renews my heart and soul for the One who has pulled my life from the pit.  It's also a favorite holiday for us because we usually stay HOME and I actually get to host for once:)!!! 

 Thanks to DeDe (Jeff's mom) for the beautiful Easter outfits on my kids:)!!!

HE IS RISEN!!!!