Mama

It was a concrete cold and sterile hallway.  Here was when my eyes first saw the 3 year old son who we chose after years of longing.  I didn't become a mother the conventional way.  It didn't matter.  He was mine.  And I was his and he called me mama.

Fourteen months later a wrinkled 7 pound 7 ounce baby girl was laid on my chest as tears streamed hot down my swollen cheeks.  She opened her eyes and knew me as mama.

Seven months afterwards I said goodbye with my heart breaking to the one who only lived in my womb 10 weeks. 

A mere thirteen months after that, another wrinkled baby girl was laid on my chest and her eyes looked into mine knowing exactly who I was...mama. 

They are miracles.  All of them bringing beauty from ashes in my life.  Bringing me amazing love and fulfilling so many dreams.  They also have brought lots of frustration, anger, tears, exhaustion, and messes.  Being mama is hard but I am learning to fight for joy and slow down...enjoying these miracles and all that comes along with them.  I know it's a vapor and I can't even think about the day they will be gone from this house.  I am so so so thankful for my babies and for the privilege it is to be called mama. 

One of my favorite verses for a long time (even before kids) has been Isaiah 40:11...

He tends his flock like a shepherd: 

He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart;

he gently leads those that have young.

I love that Jesus tends us like a shepherd and carries us close to His heart...and I love even more now that he gently leads those that have young.  I need his gentle leading since most days I feel wildly inadequate in this calling of motherhood.  I'm so thankful for my Savior...that I don't walk this road alone!  

I wouldn't be here today and who I am today without my own mother.  She's a special woman!  I will forever be grateful for the Godly example she set for me as she raised my brother and I.  I am so thankful for the relationship we have today and can't imagine my life without her!!! 

Also know that my heart always aches a bit today especially for those waiting on their own miracles.  Know that you are not forgotten and that prayers are being lifted for you as you wait.  

Happy Mother's Day!