I think I've mentioned this before, but with every baby, at about the year mark, I begin to come up for air and out of the fog. This time was no different and so about 7 months ago I began to come up for breath and began a journey that I've shared about with eating clean and working out and finally losing all my baby weight. What I haven't talked about is the spiritual awakening and renewal that the Lord has been so gracious to bestow on me as well. I truly am a firm believer that our bodies and souls are very intertwined and so as I began to make changes in my body and for my health, my soul began to crave more of Jesus. As I saw discipline forming in my life with eating and exercise, the Holy Spirit began to move in me and urge me to discipline myself in the word of God and begin meeting regularly with my Savior again. And oh how good it has been. I tell people all the time lately that I feel better than ever! And it's not just my weight loss and eating clean...its my spiritual health as well. My heart longs for Jesus and to know Him more than it has in awhile. I am ever more aware of my sin and the ways that I fail everyday to honor him. It's a tricky place to be sometimes...but the simple truth is I need Jesus. I need time with Him, reading His word and praying. So, if I need Jesus then why is it so hard for me to truly want others to know Him too? To know the salvation He alone offers. To know the peace and comfort and security of eternal life.
This is where I've been camping out the last few months. Mostly it started with reading through Acts and also reading David Platt's Follow Me. Talk about convicting.
If I truly believe the above verse (and I do with my whole being), then why is the following verse not very true of my life...
FOR WE CANNOT BUT SPEAK OF WHAT WE HAVE SEEN AND HEARD. ACTS 1:20
The disciples saw their teacher die and then raise from the dead.
They saw Him perform miracles.
He changed their lives and they understood He was the promised Savior.
And so, they could not help but tell about Him and spread the good news!
I have become all too comfortable keeping that news to myself.
I mean, technically, I am a full time missionary although I get the privilege of staying home with my kids too...and this is still such a struggle.
I have become complacent and comfortable with being a spectator of Christianity for the most part.
I really have become convicted that this is not right.
On the one hand, I don't want to be typical
but on the other hand I truly love my comfortable suburban life.
I want to be fully surrendered to following Jesus and being His disciple...and yet all too often I am lured into thinking life is about me.
I am quiet, a little shy, and evangelism is not a natural gift.
YET, my heart is becoming more and more enamored with my Savior, and I pray that as my affections for Him are stirred and my understanding of what it means to follow Him expands, that I will be obedient and not be able to help but speak of Him to a watching and dying world.
I want to love others in word and deed.
My Jesus has done amazing things for me.
I want others to know Him and experience Him like I have.
So, I'm in process.
In process of knowing Jesus more and in process of learning how to daily make Him known. I want to have gospel eyes and gospel words and weave them into everyday life with those around me. David Platt calls it weaving gospel threads into every aspect of your life (family, work, play, etc).
And most importantly, I want to weave gospel story threads into my home and into my interactions with my children. Ellie Kate and Samuel have both decided to trust and follow Jesus as their Savior. I want them (and the other two little ones) more than anything to understand it's so much more than just believing...it's complete surrender and letting Him saturate every aspect of their lives so that they can share it with others.
Being in process is a struggle.
It's a struggle because I am sinful and I need grace every day. And I need the Holy Spirit to help me live out my calling and convictions as a daughter and ambassador of the King!
Thankfully He is faithful and He will accomplish His purpose in me and through me as long as I have open hands and an open heart.
So I'm okay with being in process and I think it's good to struggle and constantly examine myself in light of the Word and in light of what Jesus has called me to as His follower.
"For the last 2000 years, God has willed to draw people to Himself
through the proclamation of His word
by the power of His spirit,
and He simply calls each of us to do the same today.
And when we are faithful to obey His will, He will show Himself faithful to bless His word. "
-David Platt Follow Me
"I used to think being a believer was enough, but now I know
Jesus wants us to participate,
no matter what condition we're in."
-Bob Goff Love Does
He changed their lives and they understood He was the promised Savior.
And so, they could not help but tell about Him and spread the good news!
I have become all too comfortable keeping that news to myself.
I mean, technically, I am a full time missionary although I get the privilege of staying home with my kids too...and this is still such a struggle.
I have become complacent and comfortable with being a spectator of Christianity for the most part.
I really have become convicted that this is not right.
On the one hand, I don't want to be typical
but on the other hand I truly love my comfortable suburban life.
I want to be fully surrendered to following Jesus and being His disciple...and yet all too often I am lured into thinking life is about me.
I am quiet, a little shy, and evangelism is not a natural gift.
YET, my heart is becoming more and more enamored with my Savior, and I pray that as my affections for Him are stirred and my understanding of what it means to follow Him expands, that I will be obedient and not be able to help but speak of Him to a watching and dying world.
I want to love others in word and deed.
My Jesus has done amazing things for me.
I want others to know Him and experience Him like I have.
So, I'm in process.
In process of knowing Jesus more and in process of learning how to daily make Him known. I want to have gospel eyes and gospel words and weave them into everyday life with those around me. David Platt calls it weaving gospel threads into every aspect of your life (family, work, play, etc).
And most importantly, I want to weave gospel story threads into my home and into my interactions with my children. Ellie Kate and Samuel have both decided to trust and follow Jesus as their Savior. I want them (and the other two little ones) more than anything to understand it's so much more than just believing...it's complete surrender and letting Him saturate every aspect of their lives so that they can share it with others.
Being in process is a struggle.
It's a struggle because I am sinful and I need grace every day. And I need the Holy Spirit to help me live out my calling and convictions as a daughter and ambassador of the King!
Thankfully He is faithful and He will accomplish His purpose in me and through me as long as I have open hands and an open heart.
So I'm okay with being in process and I think it's good to struggle and constantly examine myself in light of the Word and in light of what Jesus has called me to as His follower.
"For the last 2000 years, God has willed to draw people to Himself
through the proclamation of His word
by the power of His spirit,
and He simply calls each of us to do the same today.
And when we are faithful to obey His will, He will show Himself faithful to bless His word. "
-David Platt Follow Me
"I used to think being a believer was enough, but now I know
Jesus wants us to participate,
no matter what condition we're in."
-Bob Goff Love Does
3 comments:
Rachel - you are a missionary through this blog! I know you are reaching people who feel they know and trust you simply from your posts, and your words will have an impact on them. I think you already have a wonderful platform to share your conviction and insight to people you may never come face-to-face with.
i so get what you are saying, rachel. love this. and want this for my family. feel like i am in that same process too.
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