Welcome!

Welcome to our new blog! I have been working hard transferring pictures and meaningful posts into this new format. I'm excited about blogger and how easy it is to use! Please look around and check out all the sidebar stuff. I will upload pictures to our Shutterfly Albums now and there are links to our Adoption and the Infertility and Loss posts over to the right as well. I have also copied and posted many of my latest posts about the miscarriage and life into this blog.

Please leave a comment to let me know you have found your way over! I love hearing from my readers!

Here are some pictures of Samuel dying eggs the other day while Ellie Kate was sleeping.

One Year Potraits

I took Ellie Kate to get some pictures done today. I think they turned out pretty good. I'm usually not too keen on studio pictures because I really prefer ones that are done in natural light outside (by my sister in law:)), but I was pretty pleased with the Picture People. These are the ones I ordered and then I scanned them in so they aren't the best quality but you get the idea!

Sea Island Fun

We just returned from Sea Island, Georgia where we had a great time with several of our friends! Thanks to Jack and Heather who invited us to their parents home. It was so much fun to get away and enjoy the beatiful beaches and southern moss covered trees that cover the Island. Samuel fished and played in the sand. Ellie Kate also enjoyed the sand and going on walks. Jeff and I really enjoyed the fellowship with the other couples that were there although going on vacation with children is not really all that relaxing. This was our first time on a real vacation (that wasn't associated with our job) since we adopted Samuel (and before that it had been awhile too) so we were really excited for the opportunity. Samuel found a new buddy in Jack and didn't want to leave him alone. Needless to say, Jack was probably ready for us to leave:)! I have lots of fun pictures to add, but Jeff has our camera as he is now at "The Black House" as Samuel calls it (he got his colors a little confused). Actually Jeff is in Washington D.C. with some of our staff and students doing some ministry in the city. When he gets home, I'll be sure to add the pics.

St. Jude Trike-A-Thon

Samuel and his classmates at school got to participate in a Trike-A-Thon to raise money for St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital. Samuel called his grandparents to get donations:) Thanks Nana and Woody and Big Papa and Dede! He was so excited about it and loved actually riding his bike around the circle in his school parking lot. I think with his donations he should get a "free" t-shirt. Exciting times in the life of a pre-schooler!

Hilarious!

Here is a new video for your viewing pleasure! It really is quite hilarious. You will see Ellie Kate walk on her knees as well as take a few steps on her own (which she is starting to do a lot of now). At the end you will get a glimpse into our silly boy! Samuel is so funny and is becoming increasingly more animated. He really does keep us laughing and is such a delight.

Outside Time

Samuel and Ellie Kate got some new outdoor toys by special delivery and installation from my parents! They have been enjoying them so much. Samuel played outside in his sandbox for 3 hours on Monday! Ellie Kate loves the swing. It really relaxes her. She just lays back and hums to herself as she swings.

The Wall

There is a wall looming on the horizon. April 14. It is the day that I dread over no other. By this day, I would have had a 3rd child. It was my due date...the day that every woman memorizes as soon as the doctor utters them. It inches ever closer, and on that day I will not be holding a precious newborn. I most likely will not be pregnant again either. I will still be mourning and wishing and questioning and making myself crazy with thinking about it. I will still be wresting with God as He does surgery on my heart. I know I am not being very receptive to His treatment. I am resisting Him. I am coming into another season of intense emotional pain. By the Lord's grace, I have done good for the past few months. But now as I would have been 34 weeks pregnant and close to delivery...I am stricken with grief again. I want to weep all the time. I want to wallow in my pain. But I can't and I hope I won't. I know that the Lord desires that I come to Him and trust Him and bring my pain to the foot of the Cross. He understands even more than I do the grief and pain and emptiness that comes with losing a child. I have nowhere else to turn. He alone can give me Hope and purpose. In Him alone will I find true joy and fulfillment as I come upon this day. I hope by writing it that I will live it. I cling to the promise that He will turn my mourning into dancing...it may not be anytime soon...but one day I will be full of life and joy again. I will be a different person no doubt. One cannot go through loss and not come out changed. I will forever miss the baby that never was. I will always wonder what it would have been like to have 2 kids 13 months apart. I will always wonder if the baby was a boy or a girl. I will always mark the day we lost our angel and the day he or she was to have been born. I will always wonder why God allowed us to get pregnant in the first place. I will always be thankful for my husband who has been my rock. He has held me together. He has grounded me to the truth of the gospel even when I didn't want to hear it. He has loved me through all the ugliness of sin and grief and awful housekeeping. I will also always be thankful for my faith in a Sovereign God, as weak as it may be. I am thankful that the He is faithful to His promises and He will never let me go. I am thankful that He works all things for my good and His glory. I know that my Redeemer lives and he will redeem my pain in eternity. I long for that day!

"Weeping my remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning...Hear O Lord, and be merciful to me; O Lord be my help." Psalm 30:5,10