Samuel's Story - Part 1

Samuel’s story begins back in early 2003. That’s when I naively thought when WE decided it was time to start a family that it would just happen.

11 months later I was not so naive.

As the months went by, I sank more and more into a deep sadness. The cycle of hope and grief each month began to take it’s toll. I saw friend after friend achieve pregnancy very easily. I was happy for them and yet heart broken each time that it was not my own exciting news to share. I stared at pregnant belly’s wondering what I would look like swollen with child. I willed many a EPT to have that magical plus sign. More months went by and I underwent tests that invaded my modesty. Some days the tears flowed freely. Other days I was numb and angry at the world and God. What I had most wanted in the world was not happening. I had dreamt of being a mom since I was a small child. I LOVED playing house and had more dolls than I could count. Playing “mommy” was my favorite activity.

In November of 2004, Jeff and I took a trip with our great friends Ryan and Kelly Akers. It was such a fun vacation! During that time, we watched the news and one of the top stories was about the Orange Revolution in Ukraine. I had never really heard of Ukraine but Kelly got excited and began to tell us about their friends the Duncans who were in Ukraine right then adopting their first child. Now that interested me! Kelly and I both were struggling with infertility at the time and had begun talking about adoption together. Kelly told me everything she knew about the Duncans adoption and Ukraine.

About a month later, I made Jeff call Lifeline Children’s Services in Birmingham (we had some connections there) to get more info on adoption. I was at the end of my rope. I was ready to call it quits with the testing and trying to get pregnant. The emotional agony every single month was torture. However, I was no longer angry at God or the world. My heavenly Father had revealed time and time again that He was writing a story for our family and that as hard as it was, I had to choose to trust it. I didn’t like His story timeline, but I came to a point that I knew in my heart it was going to be good. I was sure of His deep love for me and Jeff, and that at some point my desires and dreams were going to come true. In the meantime, I knew my deepest desire was for intimacy with my Savior. Infertility took me there. I had to depend on the Lord like never before. Did I question Him? Sure! Did I shake my fist in anger and wonder what in the world He was doing? You betcha!!! But, I knew that would take me nowhere...so I surrendered, and moment by moment I tried to trust Him and the journey He was taking us on. I had to depend a lot on the Holy Spirit because on my own, I couldn’t do it!

Back to the phone conversation. Jeff got all the details and I was ready to jump head first into the paperwork to adopt a child domestically. Jeff wasn’t quite there and really wanted me to see a specialist in Atlanta (we were living about an hour from Atlanta at the time). So, in January of 2005, I called and got an appointment. More testing followed and by the end of February, my doctor advised (with grim test results in hand) that IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) was pretty much our only option at achieving a pregnancy. The likelihood of us achieving pregnancy on our own or through other treatments was really low based on the severe male factor infertility we were facing coupled with my probable endometriosis.

We had always said when it got to the point of IVF that we would stop our treatments. On the way home from that appointment, I cried. It was tears of sadness...but also of joy. I was truly at peace with the road God was taking us on.

The Lord was confirming in our hearts that adoption was the way He was going to provide our first child.

to be continued