Raw

I've always been pretty honest on this blog for myself in the future (as I look back) and for the hundreds of hits this blog gets each day.  I don't ever want this space to make our life look anywhere near perfect.  It's also just good for me to be vulnerable.  So I am.  I'm sure it makes some people uncomfortable, but I've learned that being open and honest is a good thing.  I don't do it for sympathy or to be dramatic.  I just want to portray real life as we raise our family (the good, the bad, and the ugly). 

One of the main things I have been open about is our journey with Samuel.  He is such a joy to us and we truly are so so so grateful that he is ours.  But, oh the struggles.  They seem to be surmounting and escalating to a point where Jeff and I are most days at a loss as to what to do.  I am especially bad at taking action because I want so desperately to believe that our sweet boy is okay and that we will not have to struggle anymore.  But that just doesn't seem to be the case.  For so many reasons known (3 years in an eastern european orphanage, a major heart defect, malnutrition, poor attachment, etc) and for so many reasons unknown (biological factors with birth family)...Samuel's brain just does not function normally.  The main factor seems to be ADHD and with that comes a host of secondary issues that can make life miserable for him and for us.  Each day it seems his ability to focus and follow directions gets worse.   Anxiety levels have increased and are at a point where it is beginning to affect how he is at school.  Compulsive lying is at an all time high.  Some depression is even rearing it's ugly head.  It's hard not to let my mind wander to the what if's of his future and wonder how our family will function and survive if he has severe psychological issues.  It's hard not to get angry at Samuel when so much of what he does he cannot even explain or control.  It's easy to get down and feel guilty.  It's easy to feel stuck and not know what to do.  Adoption is a beautiful thing and it is something that the Bible is clear about asking Christ followers to do.  Yet, it can sometimes be very difficult.  The last 6 years with Samuel have been a journey of such joy and at the same time there has been so much grief.  God has taught us so much about Himself and his gospel through adoption and we are so thankful for that window into His heart and into our own hearts as we raise such a special child. 

We are pursuing counseling, psychological testing and maybe even medication in the near future for Samuel.   It breaks my heart to realize that his issues are not going to just go away and are in fact getting worse.  It breaks my heart to realize that he may struggle with academic, behavior and psychological issues for the rest of his life.   Yet, what gives me hope is believing the gospel over and over again.  I can't forget it.  I need Jesus.  Samuel needs Jesus.  He is the One who gives us the strength and the perseverance to love and parent Samuel when all I want to do is pitch a fit and scream right back at him to just be normal (when he honestly can't). 

David Platt, one of our favorite pastors and authors, is on his second adoption journey right now to China.  He wrote a blog post the other day that the Lord really used.  Click HERE to read it and be blessed. And if you think about it, pray for us and pray for our Samuel. 

Samuel's GOTCHA Day!

{this is a repost from last year...didn't think I could write it any different or better this year}

The day began cold and snowy.  We were thousands of miles away from home.  When we woke up, our families back home had just finished their turkey and gravy and giving thanks.  It was the kind of Thanksgiving for us that held emotions and the giving of thanks like no other.



It was the day that my dreams came true.

It was the day my prayers were answered.

It was a day of anticipation, joy, frustrations, and nerves. 

November 25, 2005. 

It was the day we picked Samuel up from his orphanage and welcomed him into our arms forever.

Years of pain and grief and waiting and praying all culminated to this point.  To this day.  To this moment where my empty arms would finally become full. 

"I will praise the name of God with song, and shall magnify his name with Thanksgiving." Psalm 69:30

"Father to the fatherless, defender of widows — this is God, whose dwelling is holy. God places the lonely in families." 
 Psalms 68:5-6

Simply put, adoption is beautiful.  Hard? Yes.  But it's worth it.  5 years ago our lives were blessed through this amazing and wonder filled legal act.  Words can't do justice for what fills my heart and my soul when I think about the way God brought us to Samuel and him to us at the end of November.  I am so so thankful.

 "O give thanks to the Lord, call upon His name, make known His deeds among the people."

1 Chronicles 16:8

Happy Adoption/GOTCHA Day Samuel!

Counting our Blessings!

Our family has been quite busy already this Thanksgiving week.  Jeff had a conference in Orlando from last Thursday until Monday so the rest of us went ahead and came to Atlanta to spend some time with my parents.  It has been wonderful, as usual.  My parents have gotten up with the kids each morning and I have been able to sleep late more than I have in a long time:).  They've done baths, fed meals, and done so much!   The kids always have so much fun here and this time is no different.  Here are some snapshots from the last week or so (mostly from the iphone)...

 

 Roasting marshmallows and Abigail's first drawing of a person (so cute)! 

The girls went to the mall one day and got to ride the carousel

 

We made pumpkin bread with Aunt Erin (it was yummy)! 

 

There is always so much to do at Nana and Woody's...we jumped in leaves, went fishing, rode on the golf cart & 4 wheeler,  collected a lot of acorns, and more. 

 

 We made turkey sugar cookies

Samuel went out and got some branches for us while I cut out some leaves.  Then we colored and wrote a few things we were thankful for to make a Thanksgiving Tree.   It was a fun little activity and the kids were very excited about their tree.  Samuel was thankful for mama, daddy, Max (the lizard), and his grandparents.  Ellie Kate was thankful for apples, flowers, purple and green trees.  Abigail was thankful for Mama and Daddy, Samuel and Ellie Kate.  Sweetness:)! 

We had a YUMMY Thanksgiving feast (as Samuel calls it) with my parents and brother and sister in law.  I did get the good camera out for a few pics that night...although I didn't get my settings right until the picture with my parents.  Oh well...still some cute shots!  We truly do have so much to be thankful for.  God has been so good to us in the good times and the bad.  I know it sounds cliche...but it's true.  Life isn't always easy, but counting our blessings (not just this time of year) helps keep my perspective centered on Him and all He has done.  

Abigail's Colorful Birthday Party!

We celebrated Abigail's 3rd birthday this past weekend with a colorful birthday at our Church.  She  and her friends had a great time coloring, decorating foam frames, playing pin the cloud on a rainbow, eating cupcakes and LOTS of candy!!!

 

3rd Trimester!

I figured since I was 28 weeks today and I had an OB appointment, that it would be a good time to update on little Anna Mitchell!  Let's just say she is growing JUST FINE.  Following the pattern of her big sisters (and ultimately her big daddy who was born weighing 10 lbs), she is a tad on the big side.  Today, she measured in at a little over 3 lbs and a little over 29 weeks gestation...which puts her in the 86% on the ultrasound.  My belly...well, it measures in at 31 weeks!  YIKES.  Gotta love that I get the privilege of growing big babies.  Both of my other girls were around a little under and a little over 8 lbs and both were exactly 2 weeks early! 

The 3rd trimester has brought mostly normal pregnancy symptoms...heart burn, reflux, numb hands (that's my carpal tunnel acting up), achy hips and back, abnormal sleep patterns, and more.  I failed my first 1 hour glucose test but then passed the 3 hour one thank goodness!!!  And I still randomly throw up.  Nice, huh?  I'm so thankful though for this precious baby and we confirmed that she is still indeed all GIRL.  I will now put most of my energy into putting her nursery together.  I'm going to try to finish it up before Christmas because by then I will be 34/35 weeks and then who knows when she will decide to arrive. 

Thank you, Lord, for our littlest surprise blessing and the privilege it is to carry her in my womb. 

Here are a few ultrasound shots from today...

And let's just see how the belly has grown over the past 5 weeks...